I love celebrating my kid's birthdays. I plan months, like 5-6 months ahead of time. I spend countless hours on Pinterest looking for ideas and creating new ones. Actually, the way I discovered photography was because I wanted to be able to capture all this hard work with pictures. I thought getting a 'nice' camera would do this for me, until I realized the person clicking the shutter actually has to know what they are doing. (FYI: a nice camera does nothing if you don't know how to use it)! This lead me to attending a beginners photography class in Lexington. Once I learned how to use my camera I was in love. I discovered a passion inside of myself I didn't know existed and since have continued to learn and was able to start a photography business.
That was a little back story...now on to the reason for my post....
This week my middle child turned 7! Facebook has been notifying me with "On This Day" pictures, so for over week I have been reliving my son's birthdays, but more importantly the miracle of his birth. Our son was given little chance to make it to birth and we were told if he did survive he may not breathe on his own. We were told he wouldn't go to school. We were told we should consider aborting the pregnancy. We were told what the MRI said, what the ultra-sounds said, all that was heart wrenching. Words can't describe the pain and disappointment not only that was felt on the day of that initial discovery, but at every appointment following. But, we knew that no matter what the outcome, that God could make it all turn out for his glory. We knew that we had no other option than to completely trust Him with whatever happened. Our prayer was simple,
"Lord, we know it would be nothing for you to a miracle for our child, but if that's not what you have for us, you are still good and we trust you."
So, on April 27, 2009 our son, Trust, was born. He entered this world with a big scream. A sound I'll never forget. He breathed on his own and needed no special medical attention. These pictures brought back all those feelings of overwhelming love, relief and joy. I can feel all these things today, 7 years later and still be overcome with emotion. When I see these images I am reminded of the many people who prayed for us for months leading up to this moment and during this moment, and still 7 years later. I can remember the relief of holding my breathing baby in my arms. Often during my pregnancy I would pray, "please let me hold him while he is alive, even just a few moments...." I remember feeling joy and overwhelming thankfulness to God. But in these pictures I can also feel fear, fear of the unknown.
To make a long story very abbreviated, we saw a slew of doctors for the 5 days we were there. Within hours of Trust being born they carted him off to an MRI which confirmed all we had seen during pregnancy...black, empty space where his brain should be. I remember the neurologist telling us that the MRI was bad...I think his exact words were, "bad, very bad." He continued to say when he felt Trust and looked at him, he was moving and responding like he wouldn't think he should, that Trust's MRI didn't match what he was doing.
Trust is now 7. He can't roll over, sit independently or walk. He can't talk and sees only bright light. He can't do anything for himself, but he is happy. He smiles and responds to our voices. He laughs when we tickle him or when he feels his dad's beard rub on his face. He thinks it's funny when his sibling are getting in trouble or if we yell at the dog. He loves his bed and squeals with joy when you lay him in it. He loves to swing and be pushed in his chair over bumpy surfaces. He loves warm weather and feeling the sun shine on his face. He loves to snuggle and listen music.
I am embarrassed to say, but when I saw parent's of children with special needs I would feel sorry for them. I would think that they must be miserable caring for their child, that their child must feel like such a burden. Can I tell you that my love for Trust is no different than my love for my other 2 children. That in no way do I feel he his a burden to our family. He is a blessing. This is incomprehensible for some, but is true.
Our pictures have so much power behind them. Whether captured professionally or from your iphone they hold emotion that we can feel when we look at them. Capture them, print them, cherish them!